Edgar and Eileen on Creative Brainwave Website fairy tale sprookje fable fabel creative creatief story

The unbelievable adventures of
Edgar and Eileen

An arbitrary hit out of the moving life of a golden duo.



Edgar and Eileen had their own company. In the front-garden there stood a plate with the text: 'Private investigators. Ring three times: one time do, two times don't.'
It didn't take long for someone ringed three times. Their first customer appeared. It was Carl Sagan. He had lost his wallet. "What was in it?", Edgar asked curious. "Money", Carl Sagan replied. One took notice of this. Carl sat down in de waiting room while Edgar and Eileen went outside. On the way Eileen suddenly found a wallet in the pockets of a dead peat-body lying there in the gutter. She took it up and looked inside. "43 thousand dollar", she counted. With this they returned. "But that isn't my wallet at all!", started Carl Sagan crying. "And what is inside?", Eileen asked. Carl saw the money. "That is mine", he answered. "Paying time", Edgar said. There was a ring at the door. In the excitement Carl disappeared without paying and the second customer came in. It was a married couple. "Please sit down", Eileen said. The married couple sat down on the chair. It was Bill and Hilary Clinton. "Our baby has been kidnapped", Bill said. And Hilary: "We were just doing a nice and easy walk down the Alfred Hitchcock-park with our five minutes old baby Franky in the perambulator. Then we let the perambulator on it's own for 45 minutes to take each other from behind in the brushwood. After we were finished, we walked, feeling betrayed, back to discover that our baby Frankie had disappeared without a trace! After Bill had recovered from the shock, he examined a passer-by: "Mem, have you seen a baby walking by?" "Dunno", she thought, "what did he look like?" "Rather small, childish appearance, suffering from baldness, difficulties with walking." "Unfortunately, I have to disappoint you", the passer-by answered and passed by.
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

Edgar nodded. "I will publish a police-message", he spook. And this is why 24 hours later one could see a police-message on teevee, just after the 23-hours news-program. Bill and Hilary were watching it in their living room mentally collapsed. The message sounded: "This is a police-message. Last 16 December 1997 for unsolved reasons a baby disappeared in the Alfred-Hitchcock-park out of the perambulator of mister Bill and misses Hilary. Everyone that can put some light in this matter is being requested to contact the police in his or your residential town." Bill and Hilary swallowed. Now they could only wait for the reactions. Were would they hide the body? In a vagina on aqua vortis? No, to obvious. Cut the body into 26 pieces and feed it to the monkeys? Too dangerous: one of the animals could get suspicious and call the police. After one hour 80 golden and 70 useless tips arrived. Edgar and Eileen first checked the 70 useless tips. These tips yielded nothing.
Then they began with the golden tips. The private investigators examined the tip that baby Franky has been seen in Israel underneath the shroud of Turin were an idiot had laid him down in a burst of insanity. But as soon as our duo arrived in Israel, no baby, but a sneak was lying there. Bill and Hilary were at their wits' end. Only 79 golden tips remained and Hilary had actually given up hope. When all of a sudden... while she and Bill were looking to 'This Is Your Life', they suddenly heard the crying of a baby. "Frankie", Hilary instantly knew and she ran towards the source of the sound. "Now look!", she yelled at Bill, "All this time Frankie has been lying in his perambulator, we just didn't look properly, with all the skin-coloured blankets he isn't conspicuous!" To not let anyone know how foolish they had been, they pretended they still hadn't found their baby. When they wanted to take Frankie out for a walk, they put Frankie a lead on and let him out like a dog.
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

Edgar and Eileen often met bizarre businesses, when doing their routine-searches. For instance once they walked on a rainy beach. Edgar stumbled. Totally horrified they watched the object that made Edgar stumble. It was a dead one. It was in a major state of decomposition. With boredom they watched it from all sides. Then Edgar shivered. "It is Queen Mary!", he yelled, "I recognise her because she's drinking a cup of tea!" "You're right", Eileen said crusty, "how terrible!"
Then they saw Sil the beachcomber entering the beach with his combing horse and combing cart. "Sil!", Edgar called. Sil came. He immediately understood what was going on and he and Edgar lifted the dead body into the cart. They rushed to the nearest hospital. With all possible means the doctors tried to resurrect Queen Mary. But every time she blew out her last breath. Via dissection they discovered she died by mistake. Then she was thrown into a oven and burned.
There came their next customer already. It was Frank Sinatra. Eileen led him to the consulting-room. "My wife has been murdered", he said, "and I wanna know who donnit." "Why?", Edgar asked suspicious. "Just because", Frank Sinatra answered. "Could you wait here?", Eileen asked and along with Edgar she
went outside. They were carrying a suitcase containing fingerprint-powder, a looking glass, a calculator and a shooting mask. All gadgets to solve a murder-case. They even had a sleuth-human. Loud sniffing and snuffling the animal found a trace. Edgar and Eileen followed him. The sleuth-human stopped in front of a coffin. "Lift that coffin up", Edgar said. Eileen obeyed. Underneath the coffin lied the offender. Edgar scattered some fingerprint-powder over the offender. Eileen looked through the looking glass. "I can see fingerprints on the offender", she said. With this knowledge they returned to the consulting-room, where Frank Sinatra was still waiting infernal. "We know who donnit", Edgar said, "it's you." "Thank goodness", Frank sighed, "I won't get my wife back, but I now finally know where I am." He thanked them, paid and left. "It is a grateful kind of work", Edgar said. They went into a expensive restaurant to celebrate they solved the case that fast.
Send over your own story and it is published uncensored on this website!

All of a sudden the waiter came running down the dining-hall, where everyone was just cramming, and he shouted: "Elisabeth Taylor has been killed! The throat of Elisabeth Taylor has been cut!" Some guests cut themselves in their throat, others ran away. "Who donnit?", Edgar asked. "I don't know", the waiter replied, 'but it couldn't have been Elisabeth Taylor." "Why not?", Eileen interrupted the conversation. "Because she wasn't there during the murder." A big investigation was organised by Edgar and Eileen. Everybody was being examined. They began with Jerry Springer.
"Where were you during the murder?" "On the spot of the murder." "What were you doing there?" "Murdering somebody." "Who?" "Elisabeth Taylor." Edgar scratched himself with a serious look in his eyes from behind and asked: "Do you have any idea who killed Elisabeth Taylor?" "Yes, I have", Jerry Springer replied. "Would you come with us, you are suspected to be accessory to the murder of Elisabeth Taylor." Completely flabbergasted Jerry was arrested and brought to court, but acquitted for a lack of intelligence.
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

Edgar and Eileen organised a barbecue in their back garden. They invited everyone. Suddenly something happened that wasn't that funny. Bill Clinton accidentally bounced onto a bottle of petrol, turning the barbecue into a great fire. At the same time Adolf Hitler cut himself with a knife into his wrist, being frightened by it in such a way that he lost his balance and fell into the still burning barbecue. The consequences of course were too big than to be forecasted. Hitler was transported with burning-wounds and black legs to the hospital. After this the barbecue restarted. Very soon Hitler returned. It wasn't as bad as it seemed. Unfortunately he lost his right-hand, he had cut that off. During the fall it must have been broken off. It was only than that Eileen noticed she was eating from Hitler's, now roasted, hand. She thanked everyone for a wonderful evening and went to bed.
In her bedroom she looked out of the window and saw Edgar walking outside to buy new petrol in the shop on the other side of the street. He suddenly crossed the street en came underneath a wheelbarrow. Eileen saw all of this just in front of her own two eyes and began to call names by terror. She ran outside. Bruce Springsteen, a good friend of hers and Edgar, was just passing by and walked towards Edgar, who was lying on the street at full length. His liver was hanging out his neck and urine came out his foot. "Good God, boy", Bruce said, "You scare me. Shall I call for an ambulance?" Edgar, weakened too much to say anything, put his finger in his urine and wrote down on the street: Yes, do that. Eileen can tell you were the nearest telephone box is. But be quick, I'm dying from pain, you see." Eileen pointed Bruce to a telephone box, five meters down the street. After 60 minutes the ambulance arrived. Edgar was thrown into the car. Eileen and Bruce were allowed to come along. In the hospital Edgar was being examined professionally. His liver was pushed back and his foot was sewed. A r(ntgen-photo showed that Edgar's sceptre was broken on 50 places. That meant he should stay another 6 minutes in the hospital. He was brought to intensive care. Four monitors stood along his bed. One monitor watched his sceptre, the second examined his ham-string-reflex, the third had supervision over his brainwaves and the fourth held his hand. While he was lying there so quietly, a tormented man came into the little room, held fast a bunch of autumn-flowers. "M-mister", he stammered. "Yes", Edgar typed with his left-leg on a computer, he wasn't allowed to speak. "I... I", the tormented man proceeded, "I am the chauffeur of the tram that ran over you and I can't help feeling a little guilty about what has happened." Edgar typed: "Not ran over by a tram, ran over by a wheel-barrow." "Jesus Goddamned!!! Why does this always has to happen to me?!", the man foamed at the mouth, "I've got the wrong room!" and he smashed the door behind him. Eleven hours later Edgar was declared cured and by own strength he could even creep back home.

Edgar sat in his rainworm-leathered seat behind the window with a notebook in his left-, a disappeared pen is his right-hand. Suddenly a brick was thrown through the front-window. "Impotent old fool!", Edgar shouted, "keep your garbage for yourself!" He took the brick and threw it outside through another window.

When he finally sat down again, he saw the neighbours. "Eileen", he said, "the neighbours are going on holiday. They are putting their imperial above their car." "Let's go too", Eileen replied, while giving a meal to her toe-mould, "we haven't been gone for so long." "Yes!", Edgar shouted inspired, "the mortuary has an open day!"
Send over your own story and it is published uncensored on this website!

"No", Eileen answered, "let us go to ancient cities and study culture. Watch church-yards." "O no", Edgar replied, "I died in one of my past lives. That's why I fear sepulchral columns. A survival-expedition, that could make you laugh!"
"No", Eileen knew, "Uncle John committed suicide during a survival-expedition last year."
Finally Edgar and Eileen preferred the circus. It has just visited the city. They sat first-rate.
A man came walking down the ring. "Great fabulous audience!", he yelled, "Welcome to circus The Cubic Inequality! Let the show begin! Bring in the wolves!" Seven wolves entered the ring. They jumped over skulls, danced around a fire and fired at a dancer. The audience applauded. Edgar and Eileen had walked out the tent.
"What about a pub-journey towards Rome", Edgar tried. "To expensive", Eileen said, "but do you know what I always wanted to do?" "No", Edgar replied.
"What's that?", Edgar asked.
"Flying with a delta-kite", Eileen said.
"Oh, it's that." They went doing a course delta flying. After they're finished, they bought both their own delta-kite and went to the Himalayan-mountains. Per helicopter they let themselves transported towards the highest top. They waited until a nice and cosy wind was there and then they jumped down with their delta-kite. They crashed.
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

After their recovery, they swore not to do such a dangerous thing ever again. Next ways of transport should be absolutely safe.
This time Edgar bought himself a hot-air-balloon. They laid it in the garden. "Now some gas in it", Edgar said. He went studying gas-prices. Helium was too expensive, hydrogen too wet. Finally he arranged for 400 thousand litre of mustard-gas. It was a bit inflammable, but it would do. After one minute they went up, at a speed of five meter per second.
"Height?", Edgar asked. "Gee, what a height!", Eileen answered afraid. "Direction of the wind?" "Boy oh boy, what a wind!"
"Temperature?" "My god what a temperature!"
"Speed?" "By Jove, what a speed!"
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

In this way they soon reached the ozone layer. Here they had a beautiful view. There far away was the Pentagon in Washington. At your left-hand France was visible, at your right-hand you could see Paris. "Fantastic!", Eileen shouted. "Let's go some higher!", Edgar said and put the burner in operation. Now the mistake showed and an explosion followed. Eileen and Edgar fell down. 'I do hope we land onto soft grass!", Edgar screamed to Eileen. "Terrible!", Eileen shouted, "I've forgotten to close the tap at home. The whole house will probably be wet!" After three minutes they made a safe landing in the just created lake in their back-garden.
"Well, then let's go per bus", Edgar said. And so it came that they were waiting next to a bus-sign. All of a sudden a bus came by. The chauffeur took the bus-sign and drove away.
Finally they made their decision. When the visit arrived, they told their plan.
"We go per aeroplane to Spain. And you guys?" "We go per traffic-jam to France."
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

First thing Eileen did when they arrived at their camping-place on the south-coast of France was to take a fresh dive into the sea. She bounced onto a barrel. She rolled it up to the beach and read: 'Danger - Radio-active lemonade'. Then she jumped back into the water. She enjoyed the virginal nature. Grey coral reefs, a very rare shoelifter-fish, two sea horses, a treasure and suddenly... a shark! She swam right up. "A shark!", she screamed. Edgar stood up. "What did you say?", he asked. "A shark!" "A shark? What about that shark?" "A shark! Help me!", Eileen screamed, beginning to get depressed. "A shark that is helping you? How is that possible?" "No!", Eileen screamed, "A shark! He is eating me!" As example she lifted her gnawed leg. "Oh, in that manner", Edgar said and he warned the rescue-party. Half of Eileen could be saved.
Send over your own story and it will be published uncensored on this website!

Eileen went up sitting in a wheelchair. Soon she accepted her handicap. She even started travelling again and restarted her old hobby: mountaineering. She wanted to be the first woman ever to be climbing the Himalayas in a wheelchair. When she finally reached the highest top, she was a pious and satisfied human. But she
forgot her breaks. Three years long she fell down, before she was smashed. Again she went up sitting in a wheelchair.
To forget all the misery, Edgar and Eileen decided to go on holidays. Egypt was their goal.
And there they stood, in front of the pyramid of Cheops. Cheops wasn't home, but the door was open. They walked in, went into a corridor, then another corridor, then again another corridor into another corridor and then came into a chamber where they found a corridor, then went to the right and then to the left to another corridor to another corridor. When they came here, Edgar said: "Hold! What's that?" He pointed to a little iron ring in the wall. "Dunno", Eileen answered and Edgar pulled it. The wall descended and a chamber opened, lit by lightning and lodging the grave of a pharaoh. All over the walls you could see hieroglyphs. 'I can read that", Eileen said, "I once did a course Chinese." She began reading: "You managed to find the secret chamber. How, is a complete mystery. Now the secret of the pyramids will be revealed." The wall that had been descended into the floor, rose and locked in Edgar and Eileen. Eileen continued reading: "As you may have noticed, you're locked. Otherwise you will tell everybody and that isn't allowed. You will fare like others before you." The looked aside and saw four-and-a-half skeletons lying there, in postures of mortal-freight. "What should we do?", Edgar asked frightened. "I don't know, I don't know", Eileen answered, "we are doomed to die!" Edgar tried to escape and pushed on a wall. It turned and they stood outside.
Next day they went on an excursion again. This time they would see the Sphinx. It didn't take long before they arrived at the spot where, according to the map, they would find the Sphinx. They looked around. And indeed, there he was, at a distance of four meters. "Isn't it a wonderful thing?", Eileen asked. "It is", Edgar admitted, "especially the Sphinx." All at once the ground began shaking. The eyes of the Sphinx lighted grey. "Help!", Eileen yelled. "Oh, I'm suddenly getting dizzy!", Edgar illustrated. They fell into a hole in the ground and made a moist landing. The hole was to deep to jump back out, but they could see the head of the Sphinx. "Ave Maria!", a voice came out of the head. "I am the Sphinx and you may only leave the hole after you have answered my question right." "Why? What kind of nonsense is this?", was Eileen getting angry. An umbrella fell down on her head as punishment. "What is the question?", Edgar sighed. The Sphinx began: "What kind of creature is walking at birth on 40, during maturity on 63 and before death on one leg? Your time for reflection starts now." While pause-music sounded, Eileen and Edgar were deliberating. Then the buzzer sounded. "Say it", the Sphinx said. "We thought of a spastic centipede", told Edgar bravely. Suddenly a terrible weather broke loose. The weather began to explode and chemical ignitions took place in the air. A wreath of smoke appeared above the head of the Sphinx and along with thundering noise the building collapsed. "Does this mean we had it right?", Eileen asked Edgar, but before he had the chance of answering, from all directions walking intestinal canals in uniform approached. They were arrested for destroying a tourist-attraction and they were taken with them. They were thrown into a dark little room. The police-cells were of such a depressing quality, that many had committed suicide. Not long ago two people were founded dead on their day of liberation. One man hanged himself onto a curtain-rod, the other had jumped with a heavy stone around his neck from the Mont Blanc-mountain.
After three days Edgar en Eileen were taken to another room, were a fat man sat with his hips on a table. "Sprechen sie deutch?", he asked. "Nein", Edgar answered. "Parlez-vouz francais?" "Non", Eileen knew. "Spreken jullie hollands?" "Nee." Do you speak English?" "Yes." They could go.
Outside they saw a great bat in the air. In his mouth he was carrying a as a bag folded coat. "He is most probably bringing a baby", Eileen said, "how lovely." Ho they scarred themselves when the coat opened up and not a lovely baby, but a midwife came fallen out. Right in front of Edgar and Eileen she crashed. Edgar started crying. "What could be the use of this very short life?" He gathered the leftovers and buried it somewhat further underneath a stump of a tree. Above this grave he laid down some bananas. Together they weep from sadness. Three months later the most severe pain had disappeared.
Edgar and Eileen now sat in the bus on their way to Teheran, a major place of pilgrimage, where people with all sorts of complaints met, hoping to get cured. The healing spring was the great rain-pool in the centre of the city. Thirty years ago people saw the appearance of Queen Mary. From that moment on every year three people visit Teheran.
In the bus you could see people with all sorts of scaring diseases, like a hangover and a concussion of the brain. Edgar himself suffered from a hollow feet. After the journey, that took a night, they arrived at the rain-pool of Teheran. People in the bus sheered, others cried. The door of the bus wasn't opened yet or everybody ran, some stumbled, outside, took their cloths off and jumped into the rain-pool. "Queen Mary, heal us!", they yelled melancholically. Edgar hesitated. "Why don't you join them?", Eileen asked. "Because I have to think of earlier days", he answered. "Oh well", Eileen said, "do not care a bit about that that." Edgar took out his cloths and carefully stepped into the liquid. Then something terrible happened. People came streaming from the water. "A beaver! A beaver in the rain-pool!" As a madman Edgar swam back to the edge. Others were just too late and were attacked by the monster. It was horrifying! The beaver bate in the hollow of their knees and tear their hats to pieces. The water coloured red from the blood. People on the wall applauded. "It is a curse! It is a curse!", was the common opinion. Then Queen Mary appeared in the sky and spook with thundering voice: "I just signed a law which prohibits destruction of the seals!" The crowd screamed and one ran like madmen back to the bus, which drove back to England at great speed. "I should never had thought back to earlier days", Edgar sighed.
Underway back home the bus stopped at Cafe Maria. Here one could take a titbit. Eileen choked into a Chinese wishing-cookie. Edgar looked at the menu. "Waiter", he said, "I like to have salmon in sweet sauce with pieces of caviar and fried potatoes." "Yekkie", the waiter said and left.
Eileen had ordered a sandwich. "Waiter!", she yelled and kept looking straight forward until the waiter arrived. "Waiter", she said, "this burned sandwich taste like egg! Take it back and bring something better." The waiter obeyed. 34 Seconds later he came back with an egg that tasted like a burned sandwich. Eileen liked that better.
Meanwhile Edgar was served the fried potatoes. "Waiter!", Edgar yelled. "Sir?", the waiter asked. "Waiter", Edgar said, "the fried potatoes taste like caviar." "Excuse me", the waiter answered, "Shall I bring you new potatoes?" "No", Edgar said, "but keep the caviar."
While eating, Edgar listened to the radio. "Wow! Too crazy!", Edgar yelled, when he heard the record 'Every Day Is The First Life Of The Rest Of The Day' from Michael Jackson.
Suddenly a call from Ronald Reagan was heard. He was producing the following sounds: "Dear animalmates. As you will all know, animals get extinct, like the elephant and the broomgrey spotted thirty-threewinged stumble-moth. Therefor I'm looking for two volunteers who like to go with me to the tropical rainforest to bear those poor animals a hand. Call this number, I trust on your humanity." A number was said. Edgar called this number.
Five days later they stood on the prairie together with Ronald Reagan. He carried a monkey in a little cage.
To be continued after the next update of this website...
Send over your own story and it will be placed uncensored at this website!

Back to where I came from